Feeling lonely
For a social girl … ok, not a girl anymore, so I should call myself a lady or what … ok, for a social lady as I am is quite normal to feel lonely when she changes environment and goes from something what was usual for her for the last let’s say 30 years to something new, different, unknown.
Some of my friends are commenting how jealous they are (I know that it’s a good sense joke) but they obviously don’t know that day is composed of several moments where most of them are cruel reality such as today’s rainy cold Sunday where I spend another lonely day laying curled up on the bed, dressed in several layers of clothing, typing on computer, hopeing that the next day the sun shines through my tiny window and warm up a little bit this cold little space which considered to be my room for those 5 monts.
They don’t know that it’s scary to be in the university among all half younger people being afraid not to match with them, being scared and rather always a bit at the side because they have their own tricks, talks and this “old mum” would not fit into the story.
Being afraid of speaking English because it might sound silly.
They don’t know that even if you go if you go to the beach, you enjoy the moments of nice view and beauty of the Italian landscape, you feel sadness because you cannot share them with anyone. You are pushing the button of your photo camera, observing people around you and after two hours of such acts, you are more and more thinking about home and how many more such lonely moments are in front of you until the day ends.
They don’t know that joy of eating homemade meal is at least half as fun if you eat them in total silence where your mobile is the only company of yours.
They don’t know that you feel insecure in strange world, living with people whose habits are different as yours ... where you are considered as a freak if you don't do the exact type of protocol as they are, not knowing when to do laundry, when to close the door, washing the dishes, pulling the water in the toilet.
Guys, I can tell you, you suddenly realize that hugs are so valuable. That Skype can never bring you a warm touch of a beloved person and that you realize what are the sincere real questions about your feelings and not as those quick superficial big simile quotes from the people you just meet.
Yes, it’s fun it’s beautiful, it’s new, exciting and most important I’m learning, I’m growing and with such experience I much more appreciate life and what I have so far.
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